It’s a sort of emptiness, something I can’t quite put my finger to. It’s as if a part of me is missing, and I don’t feel whole, complete. It feeds on my emotions, an insatiable hunger, yearning for more and more, and I just don’t have enough to give, to offer, somewhat endlessly scraping at whatever remains I’ve left until I’m devoid of anything, a cold statue frozen in time. The calm before a storm. Nothing matters, nothing exists but the emptiness which rages within me, taking over every fibre of my being. And then it settles. In a flash it changes, so sudden like a strong unanticipated gust of cold air, chilling me right down to the bone. My thoughts wander aimlessly, lost and alone. I want nothing more than to crawl under the comforting covers of security and stay there, letting it envelop me in its warmth. But that is in all ways a dream, a figment of my imagination I so desperately try to hang on to, futile as it is. The cold seeps through me, penetrates me with such unforgiving force I can only buckle down to my knees and give in to the temptation of disappointment, beckoning to me ever so seductively, lips like black velvet curled into a wicked smile.

At times like these, there’s nothing much I can (or should) do except to accept and move on, forgetting the past but not before embracing it and wishing for the better.

xo